Guilty, But Not As Charged

I’ve been charged with being unworthy;
Unneeded, unwanted even before birth;
Destined, not for this life or the next;
Overstaying my welcome; Overextending my reach;
Overestimating myself; Misappropriating resources;
Underplaying my flaws; Overemphasizing Grace.

I admit that I’m guilty;
But guilty of nothing but being loved, wanted, saved,
Appreciated, needed, understood, celebrated, precious;
Guilty of having to leave too soon; Underestimating myself;
Under-using Grace; Abusing my strengths; Hiding behind my flaws;
Sabotaging and badly misjudging the extent of my reach.

I’ve been charged with being committed,
Gentle, kind, scrupulous, strong, humble,
And other flattering virtues and epithets.

I admit that I’m guilty;
But only guilty of being far less than I wish to be,
Far enough below the heights I can reach to cause me shame.
Guilty of the subtle staggering foolery of trying to move
Sublime divine vehicles using severely underwhelming mortal engines.
Guilty of the effrontery of consistently negotiating for control
Over things I do not understand, and cannot tame, nurture, or change.
Guilty of giving Grace’s throne to fear and hiding behind hurts;
Allowing flawed imaginations, misapplied mental acuity,
And misplaced amplified sensitivity to overwhelm reality.
Guilty of trying to be better today than I was yesterday;
Relying on every divine provision I know of to be where I need to be.

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